Zombie Research Institute
|
|
Zombie Research Institute
|
|
|
|
This is what I have learned from hanging out on internet forums for Narcoleptics: Narcoleptics are whiners.
I understand it, really I do- I know you're not thinking properly- I know you're exhausted- I know you are hypersensitive- I was a world class whiner myself- but shut up and listen a minute-
I can't believe so many of you won't try the diet or even get tested. Your symptoms are debilitating and the reported results are pretty consistent. You are so lucky to have a possible alternative. Even if it doesn't work, you haven't lost anything. Yes it's kind of inconvenient, but not nearly as much as disabling brain damage! What exactly is your goal? To prove to the doubtful that you really are sick? Well, you are right about that...
Women- You don't fool me. I know you've been on every other diet ever invented- eating disorders come with the territory. Low fat, low carb, calorie counting, vegetarian, fasting, purging, diet pills, laxatives, yadda yadda yadda. I know you're sick and tired and everything you've tried has just made you sicker and tireder. It's so much easier just to order a pizza. Funny thing though, maybe if you tried just one more diet you might feel better and have the time and energy to put into shopping for the right stuff and cooking again. You keep saying you wish you could care for and play with your kids- but just not enough to modify your recipes? It's likely that your kids are gluten intolerant too. You want them to suffer your misery? Or worse? I was too much of a wreck to ever have kids...
Men- I don't know why this idea makes you feel less vital. That somehow not being able to eat anything and everything lowers your status in that insane universal ranking competition between men. It's possible what you're eating is doing exactly what you're trying to avoid. Frankly I think it's much less awkward to say I'm allergic to wheat than to fall asleep in a meeting. What would you do if you were diabetic? Go blind and lose your toes so you don't have to admit a limitation? Damn, I'll never understand that. That's crazier than I am.
All you narcoleptics who have been tested for celiac and are negative- One more time- it's a different antibody. IgA produces the acute intestinal symptoms. You must be specifically tested for IgG antigliadin. You went and got tested for a reason, you suspect it's your diet, your family has it, now just stop rationalizing and give up the gluten...
And You- you know who you are- the college student who keeps saying you can't possibly give up gluten because bread and pasta are the only things you like to eat: Stop complaining about your terrible fatigue and embarrassing cataplexy and your stomach-ache and irritability and your autoimmune disorders and depression and drug side effects and medical expenses and how nobody understands you and there's nothing you can do and Get A Freakin Clue! You're a wheataholic, and more obnoxious and in denial than all the alcoholics and addicts I know. If I could, I would duct tape you to a chair and detox you myself.
__________________________
Yeah, yeah, I'm being a total bitch. Whatever. This is important. Just pay attention one more minute.
There's a reason you're a whiner. Narcolepsy is rapidly progressing brain damage and misery is the primary effect. You aren't depressed because of the symptoms- depression IS a symptom. In addition, you flat out don't have enough neural bandwidth to deal with everyday life. I'm telling all of you: Gluten is not worth it. There were times in my life when I would have cut off my own arm to know the information you are dismissing. Sooner or later it will get to the point that it's bad enough to try my horrible experiment. But maybe by then some other really useful function won't recover. Or worse.
I've seen the end-game and you need to know you're going to lose this one. Eventually you will not be able to do or remember anything. At all. That is, if you're lucky and the depression doesn't kill you first. Panic, suicidal thoughts and impulsive behavior manifest decades before the dementia. Desperate. Excruciating. Decades.
Suicidal ideation is correlated with extremely low orexin levels. Please restrict your diet immediately if you're at that point. Eat as little as possible for as long as possible. Drink coffee if it doesn't cause anxiety. No sugar, No carbs, No chocolate- until you recover. No more gluten. Ever.
Sorry about that. But you're very sick. Your brain is poisoned. You are not thinking clearly. Please talk to someone. Ask them to help you do this. Right Now.
(Please. I'm begging you. Just do it. I promise it will get better.)
|
||
|
|
|||
|
|||